not to waste a flower

March is birthday month. Birthday month means the excuse to be a little more than usual. I will be a little more inspired, a little more creative, and a little less organized than I usually give myself permission to be. I will speak my mind a little more clearly, listen a little more closely, check my phone a little less often, and say “no” a little more boldly. I will say “yes” to playing piano, to singing in the shower, to laughing without reservation, and to crying without shame. I will not let your rejection burn me or your judgement rule me. I will not be guilted into that commitment or frightened away from that challenge. I will choose joy over stress and peace over drowning. I will not be defined by what happens to me, but how I happen to the world. I will stay up much too late because I am burning with passion, with the will to create, and have no fear of what tomorrow will hold. I will choose not to worry, not to manage, and not to be anxious. I will listen to recommended playlists and try the special on the menu and spend less time worrying about what I should do and more time doing what I am able. (I will also choose to watch every piece of poetry I can find Sarah Kay perform, and be inspired more and more every time. If you haven’t experienced her, start here –  Sarah Kay at TED ) I have finally named this season – it is the season of the rollercoaster. Not the one of my emotions. It is the ride I have been admiring, the one I bought a $25,000 ticket for, the one I have been aiming for and talking about.  I have been waiting in this line for  years, slowly making my way towards the front, looking up as the carts slowly climb up what seems to be an ever-increasing height to make the first drop, which as I walk slowly forward, grows larger and more menacing. I can see the people in front of me climbing into their seats, and I can see my turn rapidly approaching, and as I do, my hesitance grows and I can’t remember why I got in line for this terrifying experience in the first place. I am pausing, holding up the line behind me as I find myself too scared to make the step that is 18 inches, but is really 18,000 moments wide, from the safety of the platform where I always have an excuse to let someone go ahead of me to the uncertainty of the ride that is controlled by the man in the booth, the Man behind the curtain.  I will keep fresh flowers within reach all month, for those times when nothing solves my problem but daffodils bring  a smile to my face. I will not waste a moment or a breath or a flower. Daffodil-flowers-30709818-1600-1200

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